Dealing with Guilt When Arranging Care for a Loved One
Feeling guilty about arranging professional care for a loved one is one of the most common emotions family carers experience. Whether considering a care home or home care support, guilt can feel overwhelming. This guide helps you understand why guilt is normal, offers strategies for reframing your decision, and explains how professional care can actually benefit both you and your loved one.
Important
Why Guilt Is a Normal Response
Almost every family carer experiences guilt when arranging professional care. You may feel you're breaking a promise, abandoning your loved one, or admitting failure. These feelings are natural but rarely reflect reality. Recognising that guilt is a common emotional response - not evidence that you're doing something wrong - is the first step to managing it.
Reframing Your Decision
- Professional carers can provide specialist support you may not be able to offer
- Your loved one may benefit from social interaction with care staff and other residents
- Preventing your own burnout means you can continue being present for your loved one
- Arranging care is an act of love, not abandonment
- You will still play a vital role in their life
Having Difficult Conversations with Family
Family disagreements about care decisions are common. Try to involve everyone in discussions early, share information about care options, and acknowledge that others may have different perspectives. If conflicts arise, consider family mediation through services like Relate.
When to Seek Professional Support
If guilt is significantly affecting your mental health, consider speaking to your GP or a counsellor. Many carers' organisations offer emotional support services specifically for people in your situation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel guilty about putting someone in a care home?
Yes, guilt is one of the most common emotions when arranging care. Most family carers experience it. These feelings are natural but don't mean you're making the wrong decision.
How do I cope with family members who disagree with my care decisions?
Try to involve family early in discussions, share information about care options, and acknowledge different perspectives. If conflicts persist, consider family mediation through services like Relate.
Will my loved one feel abandoned if I arrange professional care?
Most people adjust well to professional care, especially when family remain involved through visits. Many find the social interaction and specialist support beneficial. Your continued presence remains important.
How can I tell if I'm making the right decision about care?
Consider whether current arrangements are sustainable and safe for everyone. If you're exhausted, your loved one's needs are increasing, or safety is a concern, professional care may be the right choice.
Need More Help?
Support Organisations
- Age UK:0800 678 1602
- Carers UK:0808 808 7777
- Alzheimer's Society:0333 150 3456
- Parkinson's UK:0808 800 0303